Last time: The Tesla Girls entered the mysterious castle and took out a whole bunch of goblins before discovering a strange artifact in the castle courtyard… that promises to grant their fondest wishes!


Part Three (of Nine)

The Wishing Stone sat before the three girls, black and ominous.

“Don’t touch it,” Emilie said. “We need to…”

Marina’s arm shot out and pulled at the blue crystal, which slid out of the black rock like toast out of a toaster.

“I wish I were a famous star!” she squealed.

Emilie Tesla smacked her own forehead exasperatedly and waited for her sister in science heroism to ignite with solar plasma, killing them all and destroying the earth with her idiotic wish.

To Emilie’s surprise, they all did not incinerate in a giant ball of fire. Yet.

“No more out of you!” she yelled at Marina. “And you!” she turned to Kate, “not. A. Word.”

“But Ems,” Kate said, ignoring the warning, “we found a wishing rock! We could wish for anything… world peace… functional government… we could bring back Firefly!

“No!” Emilie said, pointing her finger at Kate’s still-talking mouth. “Wishes are a trap. They’re like grammar’s evil twin, waiting to take your words and twist them into something horrible.”

“Mine didn’t,” Marina said, smiling superiorly. “Of course, um, I don’t feel any different. So I don’t think it worked, either. Poop.” Her natural pout reasserted itself. She held up the crystal she had taken from the black stone. It was clear, all color leached from it by, assumedly, her wish.

“Look, what do we say about magic?”

“Sufficiently advanced technology is indistiguishable from it?” Kate offered.

“If the music is groovy it makes you feel happy like an old time movie?” Marina said.

“I hate you both,” sighed Emilie. “No, we say that it’s the opposite of what we believe in! Science! Reason! Magic is like… like playing with cheat codes! Now can we look at the situation with our usual blend of rationalism and scientific method?”

“All right,” Kate said, flipping open her Remote to access the spiral-bound note pad inside of it. “Fact one: someone replaced the Fun Zone with a magical castle full of goblins. Percentage of nice goblins unknown because instead of using rationalism and scientific method, certain parties had to shoot them a lot.”

“Fact two,” Emilie added, “is that it wasn’t an invasion. Those goblins had something like an hour to try to cause trouble, but they just stayed inside until we entered the castle.”

“Fact three,” Marina said, “is that I’m going to be a famous star now… because wishes!”

“Write down ‘wishing rock very suspicious,'” Emilie said to Kate. “Perhaps having power over weak minds.”

“What I wonder,” Kate said, scribbling, “is why a castle with a sufficiently advanced scientific wishing rock just dropped out of–”

Gyaaaaargh!” screamed a goblin that just then came racing out of a cleft in the stone keep. Wielding a massive silver sword in both hands, it ran straight at Kate. Kate looked it over for traces of the recessive ‘nice goblin’ gene.

“Hey, wouldn’t you rather talk about what’s got you so upset?” Kate started, holding her Universal Remote in one hand just in case the goblin wasn’t up for being mellow.

It wasn’t.

Kate pressed a button with her thumb and a spring-mounted net of thin wire shot out and humanely wrapped the goblin and pinned him to the ground.

“Mortal girlies steal goblin treasure! We go medieval on mortal girlie’s monkey pillows! Grrrr!” the goblin threatened.

“What treasure did we steal?” Kate asked.

“What are ‘monkey pillows?'” Emilie asked Marina in a whisper, but not really wanting to know the answer.

“Stole magic wishing sticks! Now Glurtuk will never get his fondest wish!”

“You’re not going to want to hear the answer,” Marina whispered to Kate.

Kate brushed off the electric-hearted diva. “What is your fondest wish, Glurtuk?”

“Glurtuk wishes for everyone to smell worse than Glurtuk so Glurtuk will be ruler of world’s first stinkocracy!” The goblin, despite being bound in a metal wire net, attempted to leap far enough to grab the red crystal out of the black rock.

So not letting Glurtuk end up making a wish,” Kate said, taking the crystal herself and moving it far away from the goblin.

“Watch what you say,” Emilie warned. “So many people don’t think about what they’re really saying when they wish.”

Kate pondered the crystal, looking deep inside it. She thought about Emilie’s warning and pondered deep in her soul what the wisest use of such a thing might be. Then she remembered being up all night last night watching Moulin Rouge for the thirty-seventh time and Ewan McGregor sang the answer right into her heart.

“‘The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.’ That’s what I wish for. Just to love and be loved in return.”

Emilie looked apoplectic.

“Oh my god, that is the least scientific wish I have ever heard! And Marina over there almost turned herself into a giant cosmic fusion reactor.

“I’m ready for my close up now, Miss Complainy-Pants.” Marina vamped.

Emilie took the last crystal out of the stone with her gloved hands and put it carefully into a crime scene Ziploc bag. She took out some tin foil from her satchel and wrapped the bagged crystal in it. She took Kate’s flower print scarf and tied it around the foil.

“You need a vacuum flask with that?” Marina asked snarkily.

“Yes,” Emilie said.

“Well… um… tough.” Marina retort-failed.

Kate rolled her eyes.

Emilie held the excessively-wrapped wishstone at arm’s distance between two fingers like it was a diaper. “You two can be the experimental variables. I’ll track how horribly bad these wishes get, and I’ll be the control group who eventually has to save your ‘monkey pillows’ from the crash-and-burn your lives will have become.”

“I’ll remember that when I’m out eating chocolate covered strawberries with my true love,” Kate said.

“At my movie premiere,” added Marina.

Emilie was ready to start pulling her hair out, except it took way too much work to look as nice as it did. She settled for venting by screaming.

“God, I wish I could figure out how to prove you two wrong!” Emilie yelled.

Kate and Marina looked at her agape.

Emilie slapped her hand to her open mouth.

“Oh, crap.”
“You know,” Donnie remarked, “this triumph over the Tesla Girls would be much more fun if we could, oh, say… see or hear any of it?” The view the Boys of Summer had from the McDonalds mezzanine was great if you wanted to watch the castle, but not so great if you wanted to see what was actually going on inside the castle.

“Don’t worry,” Cassidy said. “I’ve got one of the goblins in there with a digital camera. This should be totally documented for posterity.”

“I think it far more likely the goblin is going to spend all his time taking pictures of his ‘monkey pillows.'”

“Yeah,” chuckled Frankie. “Recorded for posteriority!”

“I hate you both,” sighed Cassidy.

To be continued…

© 2013 by Douglass Barre, All Rights Reserved.

Categories: TESLA GIRLS | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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